The white man is keeping me down

That's right I said it white male genetics are keeping my ass down. Literally, there is no jumping coming from me. At least not in the NBA sense where your feet leave the floor long enough for a normal human being to perceive it. My jumps last about as long as a humming bird flapping his wings. I know most of you are thinking so what, you cant jump. Well this is just how my mind works I want to be able to do the shit that is literally impossible for me to do.

Examples of my physical short comings. I want to be able to dunk a basketball, just once because if you can do it once its a forever type of thing as a guy. I feel that dunking a basketball would be my Superbowl, I would immediately fall to the ground and start talking gibberish praising Allah and showing just how dorky and white I am. Another thing I would like to do that would demonstrate amazing physical ability for my size is a flip. If I could do a flip I would rent a movie projector and play it on a 15 second loop somewhere in a busy area because well basically, fuck you, I just did a flip. The third thing that I wish I could do but am too white and large to do is break dance. If I attempted to do any of the moves that I am fascinated by a few things would happen. People would laugh, I may well die, and I might take out a small apartment complex causing numerous injuries and suffering. Seriously the only part of break dancing that applies to me is the breaking as in what every bone in my body would do.

On the upside there are several things that my largeness allows me to do that the normal human being cannot. For example a normal human could not dress as Godzilla in Japan (this is something I have been brainstorming for awhile I have a cousin who lives there and is of similar size with me I think it needs to be Godzilla versus King Kong. If this ever happens there will be video). Also as recently shown to me a normal human being doesn't break 3 rakes in a span of 30 minutes through normal usage. This led to the construction of a Cletus Proof rake using a shovel handle and I was dubbed the Raking Retard. This led me to think about all of the replacement shit I have had to purchase because I pulled a Lenny on it (Of Mice and Men, if you haven't read it you need to). I have broken 4 axe handle's over the course of a summer (3 of them brand new), a couch, a few chairs, a course golf club, a wall, and several stairs, and 3 car door handles. What does this teach us children? That the white male continues to be the most destructive force in the world today. That's right I am the deliverer of destruction. My angry white ancestors would be proud of me continuing their heritage. This is how my white genetics are keeping me down.